Meet Spencer & Culmer, both former football players and two of our Youth Haven staff members who serve positive male role models for the children and teens.
Here to serve.
Spencer Adkins
“When adults mess up, the kids are victims. Through circumstances these kids cannot control, they feel the impact. My heart goes out to them.”
After Spencer Adkins retired from the NFL, he was involved with a few business start-ups and also began looking for other things to do. Because he is very good working with kids, his wife suggested he become a coach. He wasn’t interested in the coaching lifestyle that would keep him away from his family. About the same time, his wife shared an online post for a job with Youth Haven. Spencer sent in his resume and was quickly hired. He was looking for a sense of purpose and he found it at Youth Haven.
Spencer shared that when he was growing up, his family took in kids, even little babies, while relatives or neighbors worked through issues. Their house and his family’s loving arms were always open. “When I was young, my parents were incarcerated, so I understand the confusion and pain that can affect a child,” said Spencer. “Selfishly, I believe I can help in some way. When I work with kids, I am calm but assertive. I try to be relatable. My goal is to build trust. That takes time and patience.”
Spencer tries to be part of all intake sessions. He chooses to be one of the first at Youth Haven to meet and find out about each child. He wants to know: Are they hungry, thirsty, or need a shower? Spencer wants to provide a welcoming presence. And, he wants them to know right away that they can rely on him.
“It requires simple interactions,” said Spencer. “I do not chastise. I help them feel they can talk to me at anytime. And, if not me, someone else on the counseling team. I don’t ever want to violate an already fragile child. I especially don’t want them to feel trapped here.”
With great power, comes great responsibility.
Youth Haven Residential Director, Culmer St. Jean, has been with Youth Haven for more than 15 years. “I originally found out about Youth Haven from a friend who served as a counselor in high school,” said Culmer. “I was a challenging kid. I understood frustrations and hardships. I thought I could help, too. So, I became a junior counselor for two years.”
“One of my mentors, Mr. Marker, was just a regular guy. He said to me, ‘People (other high school students) are watching you. You need to be a positive role model.’ I’ll never forget the quote he shared with me: ‘With great power comes great responsibility.’ He had a significant impact on my life.”
“I am always transparent with our kids at Youth Haven,” said Culmer. “I might not be ‘their’ person. Some have faced significant trauma and are afraid of larger males. Maybe they didn’t have any father figures in their life. We can’t force our personality on anyone. Another of my peers might be better serving as their mentor and providing guidance. We are fortunate to have a diverse team, with a range of cultures and experiences.”
Culmer St. Jean
Spencer agreed. “Sometimes, there is a truth moment and it is clear that I am not ‘their person.’ Someone else on the team will be the one to build rapport.” He believes that to be the best mentor, you need to allow people to live their life and make mistakes – they learn from those mistakes. “
It is not about giving them answers, it is about guiding them and providing them with advice, without telling them what to do,” said Spencer.
“I often say, ‘this is how I would do this.’ Then, they need to make their own choices and decisions.”
The definition of a mentor is a ‘trusted counselor or guide.’ Spencer suggests that mentors show up at moments you are not at your best, your weak moments, to help you along the path.
Building trust that changes lives.
When Spencer arrived to his new role as a cottage coordinator at Rob’s Cottage, he couldn’t have imagined the possibilities for serving as a mentor and having a positive and lasting impact on children. “I worked with a very independent young girl from Immokalee,” said Spencer. “During one of our conversations, she asked me if I had a home. I said yes, and then asked her if she wanted to have a house. She was very interested. So, with my financial planning experience and background, I taught her about finances and business. She started her own business at Youth Haven, styling girls’ hair for proms. She got a job and bought a car. She learned how to plan and prioritize to get what she wanted. Money was and is very important to her, and that served as a critical driver to change her. It was rewarding to see her turn into a responsible adult.”
Culmer recalls one especially challenging mentor relationship. The child was only 7 or 8 years old when he arrived at Youth Haven. He had just made the age cut. His difficult family background included physical abuse. When he was born, his mom had drugs in her system and he was admitted to the NICU to address the drugs he acquired from her as a newborn. His dad was incarcerated, and the family lived in a trailer.
“He only knew cuss words and everything was a battle,” said Culmer. “He always wanted to fight. He wanted confrontation. To avoid going to school, he hid under a table. He consistently didn’t want to take a shower after playing sports. We debated and negotiated. Finally, I told him he didn’t have to take a shower and if he wanted more time out on the field to finish a game, he simply had to ask. All of a sudden, his demeanor changed and he wanted to take a shower.
Each child has his or her own personality. It just takes time to figure out the best way to help them help themselves.”
The child began excelling at sports, primarily football and basketball. As he improved in sports, his grades in school also improved. He became an ambassador and model for others at Youth Haven. His grandmother started to visit and take him off campus for a few hours. After 2 ½ years of healing at Youth Haven, he was reunited with his family.
“As a mentor, kids probably would say I am both cool and annoying,” said Spencer. “I hold everyone to a standard. But, they would also say ‘he’s got you – he’s got your back. He’ll take care of you.’ I always want to help: Do you need to talk? Do you need a blanket? Just tell me. Others would say I’m supportive and I encourage them to be their best. I tell them: It may not your fault you are here but it is your responsibility to decide what you do for the rest of your life. Own it. You are in control.”
Culmer St. Jean helps a Youth Haven teen add their handprint to a wall on the Youth Haven campus.
In his nearly two decades as a at Youth Haven, Culmer has helped many young women and men as both a mentor and father figure. He’s good with that. “Consistent, understanding, reliable, fair and light-hearted are some of the words kids would use to describe me,” said Culmer. “I always listen and try to get down to the facts. I help kids understand the perceptions of others so they can begin to see what others see. We also talk often about “results” – the outcomes of their actions. And, I’m known for my random, creative handshakes.”
For some kids, they more quickly and easily identify with Culmer and Spencer who were Division I college and professional sports athletes. Once they they learn about their football and other athletic experiences, kids do Google searches. Spencer says their backgrounds give them some clout and maybe kids are more open and willing to listen. Some kids don’t know or aren’t interested in sports, so it doesn’t matter to them. For others, it can be a helpful icebreaker.
If asked about his football career, Culmer is honest and open. “A few of the kids have watched our sports interviews online. It is humorous when they call me a rock star and believe I must be a billionaire. I do think the sports success gives us more flexibility to initiate talks, to guide, and to train and coach.”
“I do this work to impact a kid so he or she can contribute to society,” said Culmer. “I feel well-versed in stuff these kids need. My measures of success: Did I teach? Did they learn? Do they have the coping skills and others tools they need? Have them developed manners and new ways to communicate? Do they now trust us? You don’t always get the result you want. This role requires patience and you must always look long term. Counselors know they have to give respect, not demand it. We have to show each kid that they are valued. We build them up. Every case, every child, is different. We learn to read the room and find the things that resonate.”
Culmer and Spencer are part of a larger Youth Haven team, all working together bring home, hope and healing to children and teens to prepare them for a productive life as an adult. They have big hearts and are passionate about improving the lives of at-risk children in our community.